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This is a diary entry of mine, ( December 2000)

I may - I can - I will

I was pondering about the flow of time in my life. Which image could I chose to search fro sore spots on my life's time line? Before I could think I held a long, beautifully patterned snake in my arms which were outstretched in front of my body. The first thing that became clear to me, was: the snake has two ends! It is limited!

after 30 years of Australian bush, I am still not fascinated by snakes, so another image came, the white scarf that one presents a Lama with or receives. This made my life a gift to life, but also a gift from life to me. I saw the difference. On the one hand there was me, on the other there was my life, and I held it in my hands. the scarf was sparkling white, but it was folded in half . So my life has not unfolded as yet. 

Now I held the scarf by the seem and shook it into its whole length. It became larger and larger, especially wider. Now I felt a wide white field spread out to ask help of the stars. This made me think of the orphan girl who caught the falling stars in her shirt. I thought, the white is beautiful, but still, I would love to weave colours into it, for it is my piece of art, my painting, my carpet. I began to put shapes and colours into it. It grew in all directions, willingly and joyfully. 
In its shape, it stayed round. My exaggerated love for symmetry came up. Life does not always unfold symmetrically. Have the courage to let it grow where it wants to, even if this may seem one sided to you. New growth breaks through previous patterns. Integrations will follow in time. On the basis of a reliable base pattern life dances out its forms on it. 
I stood in the middle of the carpet. Yet my weaving did not have a hole in the middle, I did not stand on it, not above it, not tied to it, I was free. Suddenly I realized that my soul is given to me as the creative power to relate to this incredible gift of life. This life that I enrich through the expression of this power, before I return it to where I got it from. This life is a gift. The grand thing about it is not only all the things it contains already, but on top of it, we may add to it! 
Only now do I understand what my friend Christoph meant, with his "I may". One of his "I may" is, that he "May" walk on one leg, use one arm only, and still embrace his life as whole.
What I received as a gift, I may shape creatively, before I return it. The moment I understand this, I want to shape my life. And when I may and want to do so, then there is always enough of "I can". I am not this life, but this life has me and i have it, for some time. We can do something together once we make friends, my life and I, as we are. This life has an earthly name. It is one of the shapes I take on in God's carpet. We really don't own anything in this life. 
But there is something well worth claiming: The knowledge of our spiritual strength. No one but spirit owns us. And there is something in whose hand we already are. In the divine hand.
"I", this is a crossroad of many energies, and I may have some influence on how these energies affect me, when they come into me, how they change when they have flown through me.
I may learn to unfold my consciousness, so i ma shape this process more and more freely and creatively, for the good of all. And at the same time, the creative flow is the greatest good for me.
The little self is transformed into joyous creative power. And the experiences of life transform back into a new innocence. May be one does not even need that much courage. May be many a thing sorts itself out in the power of regained innocence.
Now I have made peace with the snake of life. At first long and thin and devouring, the snake does know how to connects its end with its beginning, and again and again it sheds its old skin and emerges new.

I